There were two unusual events that caught my attention today. I tried to explain to my love, but he did not understand the gravity and the meaning.
First of all, I have to say that I feel different, I am thinking differently and acting differently. It is what the "K" (Felipe, my first kiss in a boy) called "death of my old self". There were many things that I was masking to be able to maintain a futile armor, but this armor seems to have cracked the moment I realized that it would not help me. It was amazing to some extent until there was a saturation. This armor, also called "fantasy," has become destructive and self-destructive. As much as I wanted to say something innocently, it would sound to everyone like a 'needle', an irony, a cruel and spoiled comment. A futile comment, that is, the main purpose of this appearance created as protection. How futile has it made me "futile"?
The first thing happened when a boy decided to go with me to the library. So far nothing... Wrong. Before, I would ignore all the malice contained in this gesture. Ordinary people hardly do anything without interest. Before I would even call him to accompany me and still justify my conscience saying "people are cool and smiling and the world is full of sun, blah blah blah, people do not talk to others just thinking about sex, etc...". This time everything changed and I cut in on the act. "Bye, I have to finish a reading by myself".
The second fact happened in class. A boy with a good appearance came to tell me that he observed my orkut and my photos and he did not add me for fear of making a mistake, but he wanted to add it if he was on the right orkut. This intrigued me deeply, why does someone watch you but not approach? In the case, why he who studies with me, looks for me in a social network, finds, looks at my album, knows that I am me and finally does not add, even after all this work? And I he did talk to me? He is a stalker? It is some sort of warning?
Nenhum comentário:
Postar um comentário