Pain Marx meme

That's the expression when they start to discuss social issues. It's a meme made by me, but it's Copyleft of course.

"Mais Mises, menos Marx"

No one reads my blog and why do I keep it in an era of views? Personne ne lit mon blog et pourquoi le garde-t-il à l'ère des vues. Ninguém lê meu blog e porquê o mantenho numa era de visualizações?

2017's mood

It would be really interesting if my time spent as a writer, a lousy writer by the way, was taken advantage of as some form of profit or advertisement. Perhaps I do not deserve it, for defending radical ideas and in a socialist economic aspect. The lack of support, funding, space, voice, is something that is part of any autonomous or even minority group. I can not speak for any group, which makes me a loner, but in spite of being alone I represent an organized class. If I can not consider myself a complete asexual, I can consider myself part of the group of people who are persecuted for their sexuality, inside or outside their own social environment. I consider the social environment called as ''alternative'' to be the ideal, because it is the only one that accepts me by what I appear to be, not by what I am. What I am must at least look like something made of plastic, at the very least. What is beautiful there is often what has no room in the most mainstream side of cultural production. Anyway, I did not even have space there because, although a beautiful face, I never had the strength to fight in an image's war. In the youth I even encouraged and tried a more clubber look, because initially I was gothic, but today I know that maintaining an incoherent visual with the labor market would keep me further from the job market, but after all I really wanted to be chained myself to the job market? Nor did I, but the rest became for me an identification linked to consumption itself. I do not need a style, I do not need to follow a visual trend. Even so, even when I feel completely fit in society I see that I am so far away that I sometimes forget where I am. These days I heard from a guy who wants to grow a beard to at least escape from the standardized beauty. You know, the desire for other bodies and our vision about ourselves. I was looking at myself in mirrors and every mirror I can be a little more or less ''pretty''. Sometimes I even look ugly. As if the light accused that mistake. The various mistakes I see in myself. Today I am happy, very calm actually, but I woke up with cold and tired. I write this for what reason? Keep a history of my mental state in the past? For the reader who does not know my most intimate habits, I have the habit of fighting with other boys, for fun, for money... Jiu Jitsu. I met a house with three physically fit boys and a 66-year-old jiu-jitsu master. The master still took us to dinner Japanese food. I think I made a mistake because I was the only one asking for a beer, but how do I need to act? I better boycott myself soon in ways that are not mine ways and always affirm my freedom over the appearances. I do not want to be accused of fooling anyone. To feed hope. Am I going to pretend I do not like a beer at dinner? It's not appropriate! And that's why I think, what can I do if my personality and my way is not ideal, according to expectations that are not even said or put at table? I'll do what? Pretend even more? Trying to shut myself up at least, but sometimes it is the offending action, then back off and not act, if you need so much to do some action, try with maximum autonomy and with the least intervention of others. I still depend on my parents. I hope to begin this year with prospects of complete independence and financial investment. To devote myself to my greatest project of freedom: animal liberation, rehabilitation centers and re-socialization of imprisoned animals or maintening freedom for peaceful, non-death, free animals... In the end, financial independence will allow me to help others who also suffer from the capitalist labor market... I need to be a source of help in this sea of soul's ​​devourers... What's the use of joining the hypocrites and smiling happily to find a place in the system? At least more time to think and plan how to escape total poverty while alive without attracting the attention of those who invent obstacles. Who? No one. Only you can run by yourself.


***

Il serait vraiment intéressant si mon temps passé en tant qu'écrivain, <<écrivain moche>> en passant, a été profité d'une forme de profit ou de publicité. Peut-être que je ne le mérite pas, pour défendre des idées radicales et dans un aspect économique socialiste. Le manque de soutien, de financement, d'espace, de voix, fait partie de tout groupe autonome ou même minoritaire. Je ne peux parler pour aucun groupe, ce qui me rend solitaire, mais en dépit d'être seul, je représente une classe organisée. Si je ne peux pas me considérer comme asexué, je peux me considérer comme faisant partie du groupe de personnes persécutées pour leur sexualité, à l'intérieur ou à l'extérieur de leur propre environnement social. Je considère l'environnement social appelé «alternative» comme l'idéal, parce que c'est le seul qui m'accepte par ce que je semble être, et non par ce que je suis. Ce que je dois au moins ressembler à quelque chose de plastique, à tout le moins. Ce qui est beau, c'est souvent quelle place dans le côté le plus courant de la production culturelle. En tout cas, je n'avais même pas d'espace car, bien qu'un beau visage, je n'ai jamais eu la force de me battre à l'image de la guerre. Dans la jeunesse j'ai même encouragé et essayé plus clubber look, parce qu'au début j'étais gothique, mais aujourd'hui je sais que maintenir un visuel incohérent avec le marché du travail me garderait plus loin du marché du travail, mais après tout je voulais vraiment être enchaîné moi-même sur le marché du travail? Moi non plus, mais le reste est devenu une identification liée à la consommation elle-même. Je n'ai pas besoin de style, je n'ai pas besoin de suivre la tendance visuelle. Même ainsi, même lorsque je me sens complètement en forme dans la société, je vois que je suis loin d'oublier parfois où je suis. Ces jours-ci j'ai entendu parler d'un gars qui veut grandir pour être au moins épuisé de la beauté standardisée. Vous savez, le désir d'autres corps et notre vision de nous-mêmes. Je me regardais dans des miroirs et dans tous les miroirs je pouvais être un peu plus ou moins «jolie». Parfois, j'ai même l'air moche. Comme si la lumière accusait cette erreur. Les différentes erreurs que je vois en moi-même. Aujourd'hui, je suis heureux, très calme en fait, mais je me suis réveillé froid et fatigué. J'écris ceci pour quelle raison Gardez une histoire de mon état mental dans le passé? Pour le lecteur qui ne connaît pas mes habitudes les plus intimes, j'ai l'habitude de me battre avec d'autres garçons, pour le fun, pour l'argent... Jiu Jitsu. J'ai rencontré la maison avec trois garçons en bonne forme physique et un maître de jiu-jitsu de 66 ans. Le maître nous a emmenés dîner dans un restaurant japonais. Je pense que j'ai fait une erreur parce que j'étais la seule à demander de la bière, mais comment dois-je agir? Je ferais mieux de me boycotter bientôt d'une manière qui ne m'appartient pas et d'affirmer toujours ma liberté sur les apparences. Je ne veux pas être accusé de tromper quelqu'un. Pour ''nourrir l'espoir''. Vais-je prétendre que je n'aime pas la bière au dîner? Ce n'est pas approprié! Et c'est pourquoi je pense, que puis-je faire si ma personnalité et ma façon de faire ne sont pas idéales, selon des attentes qui ne sont même pas dites ou mises à table? Je ferai quoi? faire semblant encore plus? Essayer de m'enfermer au moins, mais parfois c'est l'action offensante, puis reculer et ne pas agir, si vous avez tant besoin d'agir, essayez avec le maximum d'autonomie et avec la moindre intervention des autres. Je dépend toujours de mes parents. J'espère commencer cette année avec des perspectives d'indépendance complète et d'investissement financier. Pour me consacrer à mon plus grand projet de liberté: la libération des animaux, les centres de réhabilitation et la resocialisation des animaux emprisonnés ou le maintien de la liberté pour des animaux pacifiques, non morts et libres ... Finalement, l'indépendance financière me permettra d'aider ceux qui souffrent aussi du marché du travail capitaliste... Je dois être une source d'aide dans la mer des dévoreurs de l'âme... A quoi bon rejoindre les hypocrites et sourire joyeusement pour trouver une place dans le système? Au moins plus de temps pour penser et planifier comment échapper à la pauvreté totale tout en vivant sans attirer l'attention de ceux qui inventent des obstacles. Qui? Personne Vous seul pouvez courir par vous-même.

Seria realmente interessante se o meu tempo gasto como escritor, e péssimo por sinal, fosse aproveitado como alguma forma de lucro ou propaganda. Talvez eu não mereça, por defender ideias radicais e em um aspectro economico socialista. A falta de respaldo, financiamento, espaço, voz, é algo que faz parte de qualquer grupo autonômo ou mesmo minoritário. Eu não posso falar por grupo nenhum, o que faz de mim um solitário, mas apesar de solitário eu represento sim uma classe organizada. Se não posso me considerar um completo assexuado, posso sim me considerar parte do grupo de pessoas que são perseguidas por sua sexualidade, dentro ou fora do próprio meio social. Considero o meio social mais alternativo o ideal, pois é o único que me aceita pelo o que aparento ser, não pelo que sou. O que sou deve ao menos aparentar ser algo feito de plástico, no mínimo. O que é belo ali é muitas vezes o que não tem espaço no sentido mais mainstream da produção cultural. Enfim, nem lá eu tinha espaço porque apesar de bonito nunca tive a firmeza de lutar em uma guerra de imagens. Na juventude até me animava e tentar um visual mais clubber, pois inicialmente fui gótico, hoje porém sei que manter um visu incoerente com o mercado de trabalho me manteria ainda mais longe do mercado de trabalho, mas afinal quero eu me acorrentar ao mercado de trabalho? Também não, mas todo o resto se tornou para mim uma identificação ligada ao próprio consumo. Não preciso ter um estilo, não preciso seguir uma tendência visual. Mesmo assim, mesmo quando me sinto completamente encaixado no padrão vejo que estou tão distante, que as vezes esqueço até onde estou. Esses dias ouvi de um cara que quer deixar a barba crescer para ao menos fugir de uma beleza padronizada. Até isso, o desejo de corpos e nossa visão sobre nós mesmos. Estava olhando eu mesmo em espelhos e cada espelho posso estar um pouco mais ou menos bonito. Algumas vezes me enxergo até feio. Como se a luz acusasse aquele erro. Os diversos erros que enxergo em mim. Hoje estou feliz, bem tranquilo até, mas acordei com frio e cansado. Escrevo isso por qual motivo mesmo? Manter um histórico do meu estado mental no passado? Para o leitor que não sabe de meus hábitos ''mais íntimos'', tenho o costume de lutar com outros caras do meu tamanho, por diversão, por dinheiro... Jiu jitsu. Conheci uma casa com três rapazes em boa condição física e um mestre de jiu jitsu de 66 anos. O mestre ainda nos levou para jantar comida japonesa. Acho que errei porque fui o único a pedir uma cerveja, mas fazer o que, melhor me boicotar logo em caminhos que não são meus e afirmar desde sempre minha liberdade. Não quero ser acusado de enganar ninguém. De alimentar esperanças. Vou fingir que não gosto de uma cerveja no jantar? E é por ai que penso, o que posso fazer se minha personalidade e meu jeito não é o ideal, conforme as expectativas que nem ao menos estão ditas ou postas em mesa? Farei o que? Fingir ainda mais? Tentando me calar ao menos, mas as vezes é a ação que ofende, então recuar e não agir, se agir com o máximo de autonômia e com o mínimo de intervenção. Ainda dependo dos meus pais. Espero começar esse ano com perspectivas de completa independencia e investimento financeiro. Para me dedicar ao meu projeto maior de liberdade: libertação animal, centros de reabilitação e ressocialização de animais encarcerados ou criação pacífica, sem fins de morte, para animais livres... Enfim, a independencia financeira vai me permitir ajudar outros que também sofrem com o mercado de trabalho capitalista... Eu preciso ser uma fonte de auxilio nesse mar de devoradores... De que adianta me juntar aos hipocritas e sorrir feliz por encontrar um lugar no sistema? No mínimo mais tempo para pensar e planejar como escapar da pobreza total enquanto vivo sem chamar a atenção daqueles que inventam obstáculos. Quem? Ninguém. Só você pode correr por si mesmo.

Left breast was open. Sein gauche était ouvert. Peito esquerdo estava aberto.

My dream had three parts. A wound. One man. A girl. My left breast was open. It is a scar that I have broken, as if the stitches were open years after the healing process. The man is a guy that I thought would be nice to bring to my side since he was going to be expelled from the previous place where he lived and I did not think it would be so painful to share my space with someone else, in the end  I suffered threats and psychological violence typical of a relationship with a male chauvinism and ignorant one. I brought him because he was about to be dumped, in the end the boy wanted to take control of my things, even control of me initially. I, seeing his absurd advances, in total disbelief, resolved to stop it before it created more roots and expelled him, which made him even more unstable and then he began to threaten me physically, again to disbelief on my part. My best friend once heard that he threatened me and even thought about intervening. I help the guy and he tries to fuck me and in moments of anger he tried to threaten even my friends. In the dream, I had arrived in Cuiabá and when I came to my place, I opened the door and found that unnecessary man again. I woke up in a jump, on the bus where I'm following to Sao Paulo. I spent ten days in Brasilia and I already miss the way I lived there and the friendship I gained. The girl in the dream was a goth, those who go out with skinheads, very immature, very insecure, reaffirming herself through the dangerous males she eats alive, anyway, she warned me something about him, but as in a dream, the content is the warning itself.

Mon rêve avait trois parties. Une blessure. Un homme. Une fille. Mon sein gauche était ouvert. C'est une cicatrice que j'ai cassée, comme si les points de suture étaient ouverts après des années de le processus de guérison. L'homme est un gars que je pensais que ce serait cool d'apporter à mon compagnie car il allait être expulsé de l'endroit où il habitait et je ne pensais pas que ce serait si douloureux de partager mon espace avec quelqu'un, finalement j'ai souffert de menaces et de violence psychologique typique d'une relation macho et ignorant. Je l'ai amené parce qu'il était sur le point d'être jeté, à la fin, le garçon voulait prendre le contrôle de mes affaires, même de moi au début. En voyant ses progrès absurdes dans l'incrédulité, je résolus de l'arrêter avant qu'elle ne crée plus de racines et le chasser, ce qui le rendit encore plus instable et commença à me menacer physiquement, encore une fois à une totale incrédulité de ma part. Mon meilleur ami a entendu une fois qu'il m'a menacé et même pensé à intervenir. J'aide le gars et il essaie de me faire mal et dans les moments de colère il a essayé de menacer même mes amis. Dans le rêve, j'étais arrivé à Cuiabá et quand je suis arrivé dans ma chambre, j'ai ouvert la porte et j'ai de nouveau rencontré cet homme inutile. Je me suis réveillé dans un saut, dans le bus qui suit à la ville de Sao Paulo. J'ai passé dix jours à Brasilia et la façon dont j'ai vécu pour là-bas et l'amitié que j'ai acquise me manquent déjà. La fille dans le rêve était un goth, de ceux qui sortent amoureusement avec skinheads, très immature, très peu sûre, se réaffirmant à travers les dangereux mâles qu'elle mange vivants, de toute façon, elle m'a prévenu de quelque chose, mais comme dans un rêve, le contenu est l'avertissement lui-même.

***

Meu sonho tinha três partes. Uma ferida. Uma homem. Uma garota. Meu peito esquerdo estava aberto. É uma cicatriz que eu tenho arrebentada, como se os pontos estivessem abertos anos depois do processo de cicatrização. O homem é um cara que achei que seria legal trazer para minha companhia já que ele ia ser expulso do local anterior onde vivia e eu não achei que seria tão penoso dividir meu espaço com alguém, no fim sofri ameaças e violência psicológica típicas de uma relação machista e ignorante. Trouxe ele porque ele estava para ser despejado, no fim o rapaz quis tomar controle das minhas coisas, ate de mim inicialmente.  Eu, vendo incrédulo seus avanços absurdos, resolvi dar um basta antes que criasse mais raízes e o expulsei, o que fez dele ainda mais instável e então passou a me ameaçar fisicamente, novamente para total descrença de minha parte. Meu melhor amigo ouviu uma vez que ele me ameaçava e pensou até em intervir. Eu ajudo o cara e ele tenta me foder e em momentos de raiva tentou ameaçar até mesmo os meus amigos. No sonho eu havia chego em Cuiabá e ao chegar em meu quarto abro a porta e encontro aquele homem desnecessário novamente. Acordei em um pulo, no ônibus em que estou seguindo a SP. Passei dez dias em Brasília e já tenho muitas saudades do que vivi por lá e da amizade que ganhei. A menina do sonho era uma gótica, daquelas que saem com skinheads, bem imatura, bem insegura, reafirmando-se através dos machos perigosos que ela come vivos, enfim, ela me avisou algo sobre ele, mas como em um sonho, o conteúdo é o aviso por si mesmo.

go for a beer young boy, you deserve it.

***

Please make a donation. I live in the third world and to continue any work, writing and artistic production, videos or images, I need your financial engagement to not end up in one of the mass exploitation factories of the Brazilian market dictatorship. Please!!!!! Any value counts, 50 reais (12,5 $) is little out there but it makes a big difference here.

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****

Mes motivations, vive la liberté!

Young boys and mature guys.

The young boys put all the things harder to try themselves in not necessary tasks because so they will prove us how mature and though they are, and us, besides that, the mature and though guys, we are trying to live the easiest as we can because nobody is getting any younger so why not to enjoy after all?

go for a beer young boy, you deserve it.

***

Please make a donation. I live in the third world and to continue any work, writing and artistic production, videos or images, I need your financial engagement to not end up in one of the mass exploitation factories of the Brazilian market dictatorship. Please!!!!! Any value counts, 50 reais (12,5 $) is little out there but it makes a big difference here.

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Mes motivations, vive la liberté!

I want more imagination.

I wanted so much to be young again and have imaginations, illusions, dreams about everything and having doubts too. I still have my personal doubts, but some dreams died with time and maturity. These days a colleague, friend of a friend, asked me about my opinion regarding the capitalist market. Of course there were the jokes about the market chains of the state in which I live, but I tried to maintain the seriousness and neutrality, not to enter the politics and not to complain all the night. I try my best. Even so, it's difficult to say or reveal any concrete information about the reality of national market. I am not a economist. And economists are liars. I have no doubt we were sold. I have no doubt that each region has very particular systems or market plans. It's not a wonder that in Sao Paulo we see practically only the service sector and in Mato Grosso we see people studying for agronomy and/or animal husbandry. People do not ask themselves about their place in the market because they do not yet have the experience to define what type of market they will try to integrate and even in relation to diverse and personal entrepreneurships there is much to think about and being young enables then to imagine almost everything. They idealize graduation, idealize their lives after college, but do not look at the system as a whole. For a moment they charge themselves for notes and other issues that are nothing more then artificial paradises. Life as a student is a bit better because our food is subsidized, we have access to services such as exercises, and even information that only exists within and inside the institutions themselves. For young people there are no issues to be raised and the existing issues remain at the weekend parties and constant emotional problems, internal crises that I also have, but by age I can hardly demonstrate, since suffering requires time and time requires resources. And I don't have time or money to suffer actually. I will love to have time for suffering in the couch or in my bedroom, but the landlord will not understand my feelings. Young people hardly know how to afford a life and many have their rent paid since ever. What to expect from someone with 18 years old, full of dreams, projections and lots of imagination? They imagine everything, imagine a fantastic economy, imagine a simple political system, imagine words emptied of content. What is Brazilian democracy in the head of a high school student? About the party currently in power, that party of millionaires, the casa grande people, whose children have had real estate since birth, Michelzinho Temer, the president's son, already has more than one million in properties. He must have an polyglot education. For the rest of the population they (the rich fellow devils) serve that mediated and poorly translated information. I wish I had different imaginations, I would think about meritocracy, I would think of ideal jobs that do not fit reality, recorded images of false scenarios, films and novels with completely fictitious situations. I do not feel anything else, I wish I could imagine spirits and religions, I really wish I could imagine building an ideal family. I can't. I can't. I can't. I refuse. It's a lie. The ideal of marriage. All empty advertising. I can no longer connect the absence of meaning, since the meaning is not mine, but it is a sense given collectively and my collective values ​​are others. Long live the collective, but my notion of collective form is an enlightened and aware of its rights and social injustice perpetuated by the favorite rulers. How can these young people be aware of injustice and economic inequality and at the same time consider the idea of ​​merit as valid? Where's the questioning? I am accused of being contradictory, but they imagine/see a contradiction only because we speak different languages. There is no contradiction or there is only contradictions in these inequal world and word. The sexist man imagines situations and organizes his own inner world without taking into account that women have the right to have a different experience from the experience that he considers to be the right one (and possible as the conservative view choice). People are giving unreasonable suggestions and unfounded criticism. They do not know what choices you have and even if you assume your choices they will imagine motives that did not even exist in the first place. Is there any self-awareness at age 18? The impulsivity, the will to eat everything and eat it all, to consume incessantly everything that is possible, to put everything in the mouth, as the babies does, are symptoms of our humanity, but after all the burning we have something left? Behind the ad banner there is only empty meaning or open meaning. And on the ad I see the ideas outdated lined by the escape of boredom. Capitalism is boredom and repetead simulation of our own lives. I am too old to imagine what young people imagine, today I live with what exists and with what is possible. Every possibility is an additional knowledge acquired at great personal, sentimental and even financial costs. Going and coming depends on access and some access are paid. Who makes the information available? Who is the information bridge for the others? And the others, are open for that information? I do not think so. Because young people do not see reality as it is, but they see a spectrum of their own desires. I'm out of it.


***

Please make a donation. I live in the third world and to continue any work, writing and artistic production, videos or images, I need your financial engagement to not end up in one of the mass exploitation factories of the Brazilian market dictatorship. Please!!!!! Any value counts, 50 reais (12,5 $) is little out there but it makes a big difference here.

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Mes motivations, vive la liberté!

Fundraising for Resistence Against Capitalist Agrotechbusiness in Brazil Through Socialist Art (ResistenceThroughSocialistArt)

Fundraising for Resistence Against Capitalist Agrotechbusiness in Brazil Through Socialist Art (ResistenceThroughSocialistArt - RTSA)

Hello everyone, I'm living under Brazil's new austerity programs and have my personal issues about it, so I'm trying to help my fellow friends and comrades to still living under this global crisis phenomenon, but we are actually in a system completely and totally opposed to cooperation and their desire is to make all of us sick and brainwashed to compete and not help our own neighborhood and so on. My idea consist in claim support on internet, for resistence through socialist art and cooperation, spending all money we can get in a publicized announcement, sharing the money with other artists who works with critical values and anti-capitalism views.

Background

I'm a young guy from the Largest Metropolitan City in Brazil. The cost of living was so hard to deal and now I'm living in the best way I can do with the the ways I can get. As my other fellow friends of third world coutries my life is surrounded by unemployment, violence and celebrity elite state-politician class who governs since ever and opress all art movements possible, in special for those in the streets. So I calling for your help, to spread communist propaganda or at least try to light some kind of critical thinking in this system of inegality. Some people will hate me because of my values, and even more people will try to boycott me for political hate reasons. I'm in no position to try any kind of coup, or violent uprising, for me any of that makes sense cause I'm in first place averse to police brutality, inequality, and any form of violence or micro violence against anybody. Beat up poor, artists and any protester are not just following orders, it's just wrong. For living in third world, all money from out seas is more valueble in here, therefore 50 dollars make a huge difference in a country where you can't live in a comfortable place even if you have the lucky to get some job. Many people call themselves as entrepreneurs or freelancers to hide the true materialistic reality in this economic capitalist system we live in. Beyond that we live in a constant state of mass media indocrination, with fake lies, shock doctrine and social low income challenges/problems (as violence, hungry, riots, mass enprisonment, so on).

If you read this and don't hate me, please spread and support, only if you want, it will never be a order, always a calling for you, and Thank you.

***

Please make a donation. I live in the third world and to continue any work, writing and artistic production, videos or images, I need your financial engagement to not end up in one of the mass exploitation factories of the Brazilian market dictatorship. Please!!!!! Any value counts, 50 reais (12,5 $) is little out there but it makes a big difference here.

Em moeda €€€ EURO:

Em moeda $$$ DOLLAR:

Em moeda nacional R$:

Conta corrente:

Ag: 8351

cc: 15578-6

****

Mes motivations, vive la liberté!

Prospects for the future and getting away

As soon as I finished my first degree, with great effort, I joined the statistics of unemployed young people in a country in crisis. It was possible to get some employment in the period, but the options available did not excite me any enthusiasm (because they are torture basically). I then decided to go back to a second graduation, a choice that would allow me to save some money (something I should have done while in the first degree) and have a greater time of decision and reflection on the next steps. I do not feel fulfilled because I am somewhat excluded from the job market, because I am a bachelor and not a licensed teacher, due to my own choice, but I did not expect it to be so difficult for a bachelor of my field to find any placement. In that time between one graduation and another, and even in the first semester of the second graduation, I got emotionally involved with some people and I have my regrets about those relationships. I should devote myself more to studies, to reading, and also to produce any merchandise so as not to be in such a precarious situation for so long. If I have any income today it is because I am a university student and have had access to the internship system in the State of Mato Grosso. Internship is just a way to hire us without having to pay so many rights. In Sao Paulo, internships can still sign you a contract, guarantee transportation and food. Most of this is just money for daily costs at the minimum. That's what I'd like to talk about. I only do internship today because I have had all my documents notarized or signed by hand dismissed. Rejected due to dates, because they are out of date, months in advance. The date refers to my last moment in Sao Paulo, before finally leaving for MT. My parents have no condition whatsoever to keep me anywhere and again I was forced to make some income in some way, and in the midst of crisis. If I had a scholarship, I could dedicate myself to my studies, completely, but I was denied, like so many others. My schedules and many electives that I need to attend are incompatible with my work routine or with my coefficient, very low because of the failures due to lack of time or going to my grades in the first semester (for reasons other than my lack of dedication). I seriously think of changing course and campus, because although I study in the campus of Cuiabá, I was institutionally connected to another campus and believe that I will have more opportunities in a better structured place with an other university. I am in doubt between civil engineering or letters with qualification in French. French will not guarantee me the job market. Maybe not even engineering. Is the title worth anything? Who do I want to impress? The other?

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Assim que terminei minha primeira graduação, com muito esforço, entrei para as estatísticas de jovens desempregados em um país em crise. Era possível conseguir algum emprego no período, mas as opções disponíveis não me causavam qualquer entusiasmo. Resolvi então voltar para uma segunda graduação, uma escolha que me permitiria guardar um dinheiro (algo que deveria ter feito na primeira graduação) e ter um tempo maior de decisão e reflexão sobre os próximos passos. Não me sinto realizado porque estou de certa forma excluído do mercado de trabalho, porque sou bacharel e não licenciado, por escolha própria, porém não esperava que fosse tão difícil para um bacharel de minha área encontrar qualquer colocação. Nesse tempo entre uma graduação e outra, e até mesmo no primeiro semestre da segunda graduação, me envolvi emocionalmente com algumas pessoas e tenho meus arrependimentos sobre essas relações. Deveria me dedicar mais aos estudos, à leitura, e também produzir qualquer mercadoria para não ficar em situação tão precária. Se tenho hoje qualquer renda é por ser universitário e ter tido acesso ao sistema de estágio do Estado de Mato Grosso. Estágio é só uma forma de nos contratarem sem precisar pagar tantos direitos. Em SP os estágios ainda podem assinar sua carteira, garantem transporte e alimentação. Aqui em sua maioria é só uma bolsa de custeio. É sobre isso que gostaria de falar. Só faço estágio hoje porque tive todos os meus documentos autenticados ou assinados a mão indeferidos. Indeferidos em razão de datas, por estarem desatualizados, com meses de antecedência. A data se refere ao meu último momento em SP, antes de partir definitivamente para MT. Meus pais não tem condição alguma de me manter em qualquer lugar e novamente me vi obrigado a fazer alguma renda de alguma forma, e em plena crise. Se tivesse bolsa poderia sim me dedicar aos estudos, completamente, mas fui indeferido, como tantos outros. Meus horários e muitas eletivas que preciso cursar são incompatíveis com minha rotina de trabalho ou com meu coeficiente, muito baixo em razão das reprovações por falta ou nota do primeiro semestre (por diversas razões outras que minha pouca dedicação). Penso seriamente em trocar de curso e de campus, pois apesar de estudar no campus de Cuiabá, institucionalmente sou ligado a outro campus e acredito que terei mais oportunidades em um lugar mais bem estruturado e com corpo docente mais antigo. Estou em dúvida entre engenharia civil e letras com habilitação em francês. Francês não vai me garantir mercado de trabalho. Talvez nem mesmo engenharia. O título vale alguma coisa? Quem eu quero impressionar? O outro?

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