Party at the house of a friend of a friend of mine back to 2011

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I was invited to a party at the house of a friend of a friend of mine. Note: never go again at a party of a friend of a friend of mine that I did not know beforehand. The funniest thing, however, is that I came back with my jaw ached with laughter and I can not honestly remember having enjoyed that party. First of all is that my friend did not appear . He disappeared, did not answer the phone and did not answer the messages all night, he was not on the subway at the time we agreed and not an hour later. The subway was next to his house (!!!). So I look at facebook and more or less at very random times he tagged me in a photo of Mario's Yosh and puts a random music letter and disappears again. I'm not a stalker, but facebook does me a favor by showing someone else's recent activity. Second place was the fact that I had spent a LOT of money without having to spend it yesterday. Continuing, my friend, Izm was all handsome, took his best bag there. We hissed and then we were drinking there and there, seeing all the fat and coarse people wondering whether Lady Gaga is the antichrist or saying they were practically straight edge, we had no choice but to drink more. Also, it was not a home party (!!!!), but a ballad. When I see that alcohol is going to destroy my dignity, I go somewhere and vomit quickly. My friend is not a bulimic, so she looked really bad. She began to fall to the ground, to roll, kissing everyone of the place among other things that I do not even want to think about and I had to save her sometimes. I think this part was funny because they took lots of pictures. Now what saved the night was the consideration of a very nice friend, Will, and it was a long time since he left with him. Although it made me sad with my other friend's hole and having to watch out for the Izm, at least Will was there being fun and saying things that helped the night not to be totally all wrong.

Sabedoria

Trecho de texto escrito por Danuza Leão na Folha de S. Paulo.

"   Foram muitos os bons momentos, tão felizes e tão inesquecíveis, que prefere até esquecer. Quanto aos maus momentos, foram também tantos, que faz tudo para não lembrar, e às vezes até consegue.

    Se houvesse uma maneira de apagar tudo, passar uma borracha, não lembrar nem do bom nem do ruim, zerar -é, zerar tudo, como seria bom.

    Agora, pelo menos, já sabe; às vezes acorda feliz, sem nem saber por que, sai de casa, na primeira esquina tropeça e fica no pior humor da vida. Já no dia seguinte acorda péssima, um amigo telefona e fala de maneira carinhosa, e a vida se torna, de repente, deliciosa de ser vivida. É essa certeza de que tudo pode mudar em minutos, segundos, que nos ajuda a segurar, quando tudo fica díficil.

    Quando as coisas estiverem indo mal, pense em quantas outras vezes elas estiveram tão mal quanto, às vezes até pior -e depois passou.

    Não se queixe, não reclame, não chore, não se descabele, apenas espere; apenas espere, com aquela quase resignação que parece até indiferença, que vê tantas vezes nos olhos dos mais velhos, que sabem que vai passar -porque sempre passa.

   A essa resignação se pode chamar sabedoria ou experiência -o que, no final, é mais ou menos a mesma coisa."



Things get better. Stay Strong



Four events of gender and intimacy. May 2011. Quatro situações de gênero e intimidade.

Four events occurred to me throughout the day as if they were epiphanies or late dreams:

1. A boy with long lashes colored with metallic gold and the enormous desire I felt to be contemplating his differentiated appearance, even though it was dangerous in a hetero-normative society.

2. The strange negative feeling I feel when they do not sit next to me in the seats, "I have something?", "It's something wrong with me?".

3. The dilemma: sex conditions the subject of the individual and what forms of resistance exist to this; and the individual creates the subject. How these two issues conflict and what they suggest? Example: when the mother knows that the baby is a boy (sex), she conditions his behavior and clothes to the masculine (subject); the boy (individual) can create and become a girl (subject);

4 - My self-exclusion and the desire to be alone in counterpoint to the fear of being rejected and to feel abandoned in some way or by someone not defined.