My best friend. Meu melhor amigo.

I always had friends. When you are a child, the boys do not differ much from each other and even girls can play ball, play with the cats or even hide and seek. When you are a child, you walk with other children and if most of your friends are girls or boys it does not mean much. Like I said, I've always had friends, now only boys. I had some girl friends too, but it was not with them that I spent my free time. All of them, in time, left. And all of them at some point in my life were what most people call "best friend", "brother", "buddy" or something like that. When you are a kid, it's easy to have a best friend, but as a teenager I moved away from the friends that remained, I was increasingly different from them. I felt it, I heard it, I saw it and I did not understand it. A best friend always missed me.

Eu sempre tive amigos. Quando se é criança, os meninos não diferem muito entre si e até mesmo meninas podem jogar bola, brincar de gato mia ou esconde-esconde. Quando se é criança, você anda com outras crianças e se a maior parte dos seus amigos for de meninas ou de meninos não quer dizer muita coisa. Como disse, eu sempre tive amigos, meninos. Tive algumas amigas também, mas não era com elas que eu passava meu tempo livre. Todos eles, com o tempo, foram embora. E todos eles em algum momento da minha vida foram o que muita gente chama de "melhor amigo", "brother", "mano" ou algo desse tipo. Quando se é criança é facil ter um melhor amigo, mas na adolescência eu me afastei dos amigos que restaram, eu era cada vez mais diferente deles. Eu sentia isso, eu ouvia isso, eu via isso e eu não entendia isso. Um melhor amigo sempre me fez falta.

Four events of gender and intimacy. May 2011. Quatro situações de gênero e intimidade.

Four events occurred to me throughout the day as if they were epiphanies or late dreams:

1. A boy with long lashes colored with metallic gold and the enormous desire I felt to be contemplating his differentiated appearance, even though it was dangerous in a hetero-normative society.

2. The strange negative feeling I feel when they do not sit next to me in the seats, "I have something?", "It's something wrong with me?".

3. The dilemma: sex conditions the subject of the individual and what forms of resistance exist to this; and the individual creates the subject. How these two issues conflict and what they suggest? Example: when the mother knows that the baby is a boy (sex), she conditions his behavior and clothes to the masculine (subject); the boy (individual) can create and become a girl (subject);

4 - My self-exclusion and the desire to be alone in counterpoint to the fear of being rejected and to feel abandoned in some way or by someone not defined.